You know that moment when someone starts talking… and you can feel yourself reaching for the answer before you actually know what they need?
I had that with my daughter recently. She needed to talk, and I could’ve jumped straight into “fix it” mode (because that’s what competent people do, right?).
Instead, I stole a line (hat tip to Brené Brown) that changed the entire conversation:
“Before we start talking, is this a listen, fix, or bury-a-body conversation?”
We both laughed. But more importantly, it created clarity for both of us.
Because here’s the thing: most of the time, people don’t need your four-point plan. They need the right kind of support.
And that is exactly what customers and clients need from us.
They need a professional who can lead the conversation, not just participate in it.
The problem: we keep answering the question they asked
This is posting just after the July 4th holiday, and I have no doubt readers spent the weekend answering questions like:
“When’s the best time to move?”
“Is now a good time to buy/sell?”
“What are rates doing?”
Those are understandable questions. And we typically jump right into answering them.
If we answer them at face value, we end up giving general market mush. And spoiler alert, they stopped really listening 10 seconds in. Maybe even 5.
Don’t worry. Everyone does it. However, if you can turn their question into a cue, you have an opportunity to stand apart from all the other agents they talk to.
The upgrade: don’t answer first.
Pause. Before you jump in with your infinite wisdom, see their question more as a cue to clarify and elevate the conversation.
Here’s a simple framework you can steal this week:
First: remember who you’re talking to.
A client or a customer?
Before you upgrade the question, check who’s asking it, because it changes how deep you go.
A current client has already hired you. They get your judgment. They get your analysis. They get your interpretation. They get “inconvenient truths” (what they may not want to hear, but need to hear) because that’s what they’re paying you for.
A potential client (a customer) hasn’t hired you yet. And no matter how badly you’re dying to show them how smart you are… they don’t get your full judgment, analysis, and interpretation on demand. What they get is enough to feel why your expertise is worth hiring. They get to experience what it might be like to work with you. They get to see that you ask better questions, see what others miss, and could lead them (or someone they know) to a smarter outcome.
Same question. Two contexts. Different depth.
Step 1: Upgrade the polite question (and get clarity)
And just to be explicit— let’s use the question you hear constantly. The one you likely heard over the weekend. The polite conversation starter:
“How’s the market?”
Instead of answering faster than a golden retriever retrieving, try:
“Which one? Yours—or everyone else’s?”
If you want one optional follow-up that still feels natural:
“Are you just curious, or is a move on the horizon?”
That’s it. You’re not interrogating them. You’re qualifying the conversation.
Step 2: Replace generic questions with decision questions
Once you’ve got clarity on whether this is real intent or polite conversation, you can do your real work: move from information to decisions.
So you move from:
“What’s happening in the market?”
to:
“What’s happening in their micro‑market at this moment in time—and how that may change their options,”
You move from:
“Is now a good time?”
to:
“Good for what outcome?”
Three “question upgrades” I use constantly
If you want a repeatable way to avoid sameness, you need to have a POV. So have one. Then use these categories to have a more useful conversation.
Micro‑market clarity
“What’s happening in their market, specifically, right now.”
Leverage clarity
“Who has leverage, and how buyers/sellers will use it.”
Downside clarity
“What strategies fit trends and protects their downside.”
That last one is where professionals separate from performers, and it’s what clients get. Customers learn you have a POV. They hire you to actually receive it.
Why this matters (especially with the rise of AI)
Information is everywhere. Consumers can get the stats.
They need us for:
interpretation
prioritization
timing decisions
risk management
and calm leadership when the emotional stakes are high
In other words: the right conversations.
A simple challenge for this week
The next time someone asks you a “market” question, don’t answer immediately.
Upgrade it once:
“Which one? Yours—or everyone else’s?”
“Are you just curious, or is a move on the horizon?”
Then, when appropriate, bring your POV.
Because the agents who win next won’t merely count conversations.
They’ll have conversations that count.
