If there was ever a time to stop fake selling, it’s now. Yet, most in our industry are taught to build more relationships to increase their odds of being hired.
Here’s a truth bomb.
We don’t need to be in a relationship before offering to solve someone’s problem.
Can you imagine if your HVAC tech or your plumber wanted to know your hopes and dreams before offering to fix your problem? What if they used relationship as an on-ramp to gaining your business?
That would be weird.
Why conflate relationships and skilled service offerings? Why do we teach and embrace this?
Because we aren’t sure what problems we actually solve1. So we lean on care and concern. Who could demonize that, right?
Wrong.
If you have an ulterior motive, people on the other side of your probing FORD or HEFE questions know it.2 The only thing keeping these awkward conversations going is years of social conformity. It would be rude not to answer you, so they do - out of obligation. That doesn’t make the conversation successful, it makes it uncomfortable. The awkward small talk that’s part of a “method” is like a saccharin sugar aftertaste. It’s gross.
Here’s another idea to consider.
Recognize and embrace the conversation you’d like to have.
Relationship mode - you’re genuinely curious about a person and have no agenda.
Selling mode - you have an agenda or goal in mind that benefits you.
Solving mode - you’re looking for ways to help someone whether it benefits you or not.
Most realtors are excellent conversationalists who try to combine these. But I encourage you not to.
Instead, gain clarity about two things. First, recognize what kind of conversation you’re having - and have it (even if it’s not the one you intended to have.) Second, get clear on what identity-based problem you solve. Otherwise, you’ll never have a solution-based conversation (hint - your identity-based expertise is not helping people buy and sell homes.)
Stop confusing yourself and others by trying to be all things to all people.
Be a caring person if you want.
Be a skilled professional if you want.
But don’t confuse the two. While a skilled professional can care, and a caring person can be skilled, trying to bait business with care isn’t good marketing.
It doesn’t breed trust and I don’t see it in the future of real estate.
Failing at this false paradigm of “be all things to all people” is how IBRE was born. It’s been a relief to practice real estate knowing what problem I actually solve for people. You can do this, too.
Asking leading questions that revolve around one of two formulas: F.O.R.D. (family, occupation, recreation, and dreams), or H.E.F.E. (hobbies, entertainment, food, environment).