When "relationship-based" real estate goes wrong
The case for process over people-pleasing
"I prioritize relationships over transactions."
Sounds noble, right? Until it becomes an excuse to avoid difficult conversations.
Too often, this becomes code for avoiding difficult conversations and sacrificing proven processes in favor of being liked.
Here's the paradox: two opposing ideas can be true at once. Getting to "no" early can actually deepen relationships quicker than constantly pursuing "yes." The myth that being relationship-focused means always being agreeable costs agents and clients.
Real relationships aren't built on constant agreement - they're built on trust. And trust comes from honest, sometimes uncomfortable conversations.
Former FBI negotiator Chris Voss teaches us to "get to no" early. Why? Because people are more comfortable with “no.” It gives them a sense of control and confidence. When we avoid the crucial conversations that get us to a boundary, we're not protecting relationships—we're undermining them.
Three conversations that can't wait:
Pricing reality checks: Whether listing too high or offering too low, misaligned expectations cost more than just time. They diminish your professional credibility. Always (respectfully) tell them what you really think. Always. Otherwise, you may be accused of setting them up for failure.
Market trend implications: Sugar-coating market shifts doesn't serve anyone - clarity creates confidence. Example, “Your competition has lost seven offers, is tired of touring, and isn’t afraid of waiving every contingency. That doesn’t mean you have to, but you may want to wait for another market if this is beyond your risk tolerance.”
Lifestyle impact: They don’t know the realities the way you do. Tell them. Example, “Living in show-condition is a special sort of torture - I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”
The solution isn't choosing between relationships and honesty - it's integrating the two.
Start with clear expectations. Have frameworks for difficult discussions. Lead with honesty.
Remember: Clients don't hire you to be their friend - even if you’re their friend already. They hire you to guide them through one of life's biggest decisions. True relationship-based business means being trusted enough to tell hard truths with tact.
They’ll love you for it.
